This is the blog I could not write 12 years ago when I started this series. I was filled with too much shame. “You call this writing!” “No one wants to hear what you have to say.” The usual lies my shame tells me when I’m trying something new, taking a risk. Fortunately, it’s never too late. As long as there’s breath, there’s life.
As I began to sketch out what I might write about in this blog, I realized that I might overwhelm you with TOO MUCH information and too many “how-to’s”. I decided, instead, to write a series of blogs on the techniques and tools you can use to reduce the amount of shame you carry in your body and the effects of that shame on your life.
This is the first blog in this series of steps you can take right now.
This is the third now-multi-part article in a three-part series on reducing the effects of shame. In the first article, I described shame and shared some of shame’s effect on me. In the second article, I explored how we have come to have so much shame. In this series of “how to”, I’ll help you discover ways to reduce your shame.
YOUR WHY
First, let’s talk a bit about why you would want to reduce shame. It often feels easier and safer to NOT talk about or admit to having shame. That is shame doing what shame does.
Before reading any further, take time to answer two questions.
First, set a timer for 3 minutes and write down on paper WHY you want to reduce the amount of shame you carry in your body. Trust me, almost all of us carry shame in our bodies.
Second, set the timer again for 3 minutes. This time write down why you want to reduce the effect of that shame has on your life.
If you’re not sure, ask your body. Your body knows why.
Set your timer for at least 3 minutes for each question. Use more time if you’re on a roll.
Okay . . . Go!
Now, spend a few minutes with your answers to these questions. Notice how your body responds as you read them out loud.
What did you discover about why you want to reduce the amount of shame in your body? What surprised you? What had you nodding your head, “Yes!”? How did your body respond?
What did you discover about why you want to reduce the effect of that shame on your life? Again, what surprised you? What had you nodding your head, “Yes!” How did your body respond?
Now, that you’ve done this exercise yourself, I’ll share with you my results.
Note: I always do the exercise and processes I ask my participants in my programs to do. For one thing, so I have an idea if the processes do what I think they might do. For another thing, I love to do this type of inner growth work! I’m learning, growing, and transforming right along with my clients.
My results:
Why do I want to reduce the amount of shame in my body? This is what my body told me:
♦ So my body is less tight and tense.
♦ I’m more able to speak my truth because my throat isn’t constricted.
♦ I may be less prone to inflammation in my body.
♦ So I can hold my head up high, my shoulders back and down.
♦ So I can take up my full space in the world.
♦ So I will have full authority and ownership of my body and my life, no longer trying to please and play nice, just to feel safe.
Why do I want to reduce the effects of shame in my life?
♦ So I can unapologetically be and express who and what I truly am.
♦ So I can express the full range of me.
♦ So I can play full out.
♦ So I can have love and compassion for myself when I make a mistake or misstep.
♦ So I can know I am fully human and fully divine.
I invite you to go back to your results and add any of mine that you resonate with or recognize as your own.
That’s enough for now. In the next few blog in this series, you’ll learn or be reminded of steps you can take right now to reduce the effects of shame in your body and in your life.
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